What Being a Lawyer is Really Like

Client:  Dude, I have a problem.
Me:  Let me fix it with my awesome powers!
Court:  Dude, your powers really are awesome.  You win!  Cookies for everyone!!
Bad Guy:  Whoah!

Later...

Bad Guy:  Wait, what?  I want an appeal.
Court:  OK, New Trial!  Cookies for everyone!!

Later....

Me:  Dear Court, the Bad guy screwed up his appeal. Six months ago.  You have no choice but kick this to the curb.
Court:  OK!  The appeal is abandoned!  The new trial is canceled!  Cookies for everyone!!

One week later...

Court:  OK, New Trial!  Cookies for everyone!!
Me:  Wait, what?
Court:  New Trial!  Cookies!!
Me:  What. The. F***
Prozac:  You rang?
Court:  I thought it would be fun to hear the case before it went to its appeal.
Me:  You mean the appeal that you already deemed abandoned, killed, burned, stirred the ashes, doused them with napalm and burned them again, and then fed to a goat named Elmer, who you then sacrificed to Cthulhu?  THAT appeal?
Court:  Yes!  Have a cookie!!  See you in November!!
Client:  Wait, what?

DISCLAIMER:  This is actually allowed by the applicable Rules. (Except for the cookies.  Judges never offer cookies.)  I am starting to not like Justice Court.

Real Life, Rantslarry thorson