Things You Never Expected to Hear Again

Your wife is expecting you
— A nice fellow at the front desk
 Imagine it on all the walls, after a  jalapeno and prickly pear margarita  on board. And  wine . And Fat Tire. And...

Imagine it on all the walls, after a jalapeno and prickly pear margarita on board. And wine. And Fat Tire. And...

A couple days later, and the blur is subsiding. Not the rush, though. 

Some of that blur may be from the undercooked scallops at dinner. Some of the blur is DEFINITELY from enduring the stupidest bathroom wallpaper ever.

PRO TIP: Don't use this paper on a captive audience, like men standing at a toilet. I thought I was having an aneurysm, because "having a stroke" would be misreported in the tabloids. Also because making focal sense of the texture- and patternless columns was impossible. I could see the pattern on the sides but couldn't resolve the giant blank in the middle. Don't stand too close. Or just use the sink. Wait, no. Mirror. Shower. Yeah, that's the workaround.

Moving on...

Some of the blur was from the exuberance of the evening. Justin cabernet is pretty tasty. Who know? Who else goes to the bar in a bathrobe after room service closes to get more? [Ed.: Room service never closes - you kids were just making a scene, because WTF not?]

Who else throws stale Brie at goldfish three stories down? Who else rearranges all the furniture in the hotel room at 1 am?

 Besides this guy

Besides this guy

The surprising part was a slip, while caught up in a moment. Not a mistake, just clumsy timing. I am not walking it back, but in the moment, I had to call a squirrel and play it off. [Ed.: mainly to prevent your lizard brain from taking over and spoiling everything. See every Phi Sig party ever. Dates. Holidays. Random Wednesdays]. Frat boy Hail Mary is not at all what was going on. It wasn't a move. But yeah, wow. Whoops. Slipped into unguarded for a minute. 

The other best part was twofold. The only thing I remember about goodbye was not overthinking it. Just reacting. For once. And, just eight [Ed.: barely two] hours earlier, a moment of serendipity and peace. I didn't feel invisible. Or unwelcome. It was like I made it to the end of an evening like an adult -  without being an ass [Ed.: at least not completely], and also not alone. And my reward was to feel human. I vaguely remembered what that was like.

 Almost human...

Almost human...

This was better. Whatever the ultimate galactic significance, those glimpses of grace must be the Universe telling me I am going to be OK. Hearing that is a welcome surprise too.